Today's guest post comes from Marie Leslie, who has been a serial entrepreneur since the age of 13.  She has a degree in journalism from San Diego State University and has been a writer and photographer for more than 30 years. In addition to being the chief blogger for Modern Molly Mormon, she currently owns Marie Leslie Media in Aurora, Colorado, and specializes in website development and social media & marketing management, training and strategy for small businesses and entrepreneurs.  She is also a mother of four children.

I am a working mother. No, it’s not an oxymoron. Yes, I know that all mothers work. I happen to be one of those mothers who has another job in addition to being a mother and homemaker. I have worked pretty much my entire life.

When I was 11, I started babysitting for neighbors and church families. By 13, I was an entrepreneur with a lucrative business making macramé pot hangers (yes, I am a child of the 70s). I also worked as a private swim instructor, ran a summer day camp/mother’s day out program and then finally got my first “real” job working in a local market.

After college, and after our first child was born,  I worked part-time for a while as a textbook editor and when that dried up, I landed in insurance. Not exactly what I planned, but it paid well and a regular weekday schedule meant I could be home when my husband was home so we could have family time, something that was very important to us.  I wasn’t thrilled with a full-time schedule, but it was the right decision for our family at the time.  We were blessed with an amazing caretaker named Betty for our daughter and then later our son.  She took care of our children with probably more patience than I had at that time in my life.

All was well in the world of motherhood and work--almost.   My husband and I felt comfortable with our decision.  Since I needed to help provide for the family, I was happy to be able to put my college education to work and secure a well-paying job. I was happy with our children’s care arrangements, they were happy to spend their days with Betty and I never worried about them while I worked. 

There was just one little problem. Many of the women from church seemed exceptionally bothered by my lack of “mother guilt.”  When I worked as a textbook editor, I would attend Relief Society board meetings where the main topic of discussion was my apparent lack of commitment to motherhood. I remember coming home from one such meeting in tears, wondering if there wasn’t something wrong with me because I DIDN’T feel guilty about working.

When I later needed to work full-time (primarily because of the lack of part-time work that paid more than minimum wage), I was chided for choosing a career when I “could have chosen something part-time or worked nights and weekends so [my] children wouldn’t have to be in daycare.”

The thing that made working so hard for me wasn’t being away from home. It wasn’t the crazy things that being a working mom did to my schedule, trying to squeeze in family and homemaking and church callings and a relationship with my husband around that 40+ hours/week. It wasn’t even leaving my children with another mother every morning (she was a working mom, too). It was the lack of support and the censure from my fellow mothers, some of whom were working moms themselves.

As women, we need to support one another, not tear one another down. We are all in this together. Every woman needs to be prepared to help support her family financially, whether by working from home or working away from home, should the need arise.

Instead of looking down on those who are working, would we not do better to help one another build critical skills, to support one another in finding creative ways to earn and to help our sisters who do work by easing their guilt instead of adding to it?

We never know what life will bring or what our circumstances will be. Someday you may find yourself on the other side, being the mother in a position you never imagined being in. How much easier would life be if you knew your sisters had your back and would be there whether you were at home or away? Let us support our sisters in their journey, wherever it may lead.

Last week, I attended a lecture by Janet Shibley Hyde of the University of Wisconsin. After hearing remarks by Harvard University president Lawrence Summers suggesting that women did not have the same innate aptitude as men for higher-level math and science, she decided to find out if he was right.

He was wrong.

Hyde performed a huge meta-analysis of studies measuring math and science by gender across different grades and levels.

Despite all the negative messages girls and women hear about math and science, there was no statistical difference between how well girls and boys performed in these subjects. In fact, the huge performance gap came not between boys and girls, but between American students and international students. American students score consistently lower than their Taiwanese and Japanese peers.

Yet, despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary, we continue to believe that boys are better at math and science, and that girls are better at verbal skills. Hyde found that women and men are actually more alike than different. She calls this idea the "Gender Similarities Hypothesis".

So, if there's no difference in ability, why do women continue to underachieve compared to men in some fields (women actually earn more graduate degrees than men in some areas, such as biology, but less than men in others, such as physics)?

Because we continue to believe the gender stereotypes. In Hyde's words, "Overinflated claims of gender differences carry substantial costs in areas such as the workplace and relationships."

I wonder how our world would change if we believed that women and men could succeed equally in any field.

March is Women's History Month, so to celebrate, I'm putting together a little quiz. Brush the dust off your history textbooks and see how much you know about how far women have come.

1. Women's suffrage became law throughout the United States in what year?
a) 1920    b) 1870    b)    1940    d)    1890

2. Which amendment to the Constitution gave women the right to vote?
a) Nineteenth    b)    Fifteenth    c) Sixteenth    d) Thirteenth

3.Which state was the first to grant women the right to vote?
a) Wyoming    b) Utah    c) California    d) Colorado

4.Why was Susan B. Anthony arrested in 1872?
a) she voted in a federal election    b) she sheltered a runaway slave    c) she robbed a bank    d) she picketed in front of the White House

5. Though it prohibited many kinds of discrimination, Title IX is most famous for promoting equality in:
a) sports    b) medical school admissions    c) voting rights    d) household chores

6. Betty Friedan's 1963 book about "the problem with no name" was titled:
a) No Money, No Life    b) The Feminist Within    c) The Second Shift    d) The Feminine Mystique

7. Gloria Steinem co-founded what magazine?
a) Ladies' Home Journal    b) Working Mother    c) People    d) Ms.

8. Of the 535 seats in the U.S. Congress, how many are held by women?
a) 2    b) 410    c) 195    d) 90

9. What percentage of men's pay do women in the U.S. earn, on average?
a) 35    b) 53    c)  62    d) 77

10. What country does not guarantee a woman can take paid time off from her job to care for a newborn baby?
a) Afghanistan    b) South Africa    c) Australia    d) the United States


Answer key: The answers for 1-5 are all a. The answers for 6-10 are all d.

Today's guest post comes from Lecia Langston, currently a Regional Economist for the Department of Workforce Services. Ms. Langston has been an economist with the Utah Department of Workforce Services and its predecessor, the Utah Department of Employment Security for more than 20 years. During her service as an economist for the State of Utah, Ms. Langston has served as a president of the Wasatch Front Economic Forum (the local chapter of the National Association of Business Economists). She staffed Governor Bangerter's Workforce 2000 Committee and is a past advisor of the Governor's Economic Coordinating Committee. Ms. Langston is the author of several studies and the winner of several awards from the Interstate Conference of Employment Security Agencies for excellence in labor market information publications.

Here are a few more (perhaps surprising) facts that bolster the case for better workforce preparation for our young women—particularly in Utah.

• Utah women participate in the labor force at a higher rate than the national average. (This has been true for more than 30 years!)
• The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that half of all new marriages will end in divorce.
• Utah has a higher divorce rate than the national average.
• Most Utah women who work are married.
• Most Utah women who work have children.
• Despite Utah’s larger-than-average families, three-fourths of Utah women with school-age children work outside the home.
• The average Utah working woman spent 33 hours a week on the job.
• In 2010, almost 40 percent of Utah’s female-headed households with children lived in poverty.
• In a recession, men are more likely to be unemployed than are women.
• Utah shows the third-largest male/female wage gap in the nation.
• Utah shows the largest (by far) bachelor’s-degree-attainment gap of any state in the nation.

Education, Earnings, and Women in Utah

Let’s talk about those last two bullet points. In Utah, we like to tout our well-educated workforce. Unfortunately, Utah is losing ground compared to the nation.

I first noticed this trend a few decades ago. When I researched what was happening, it became apparent that Utah women were falling behind U.S. women in obtaining college degrees. On the other hand, Utah men continued to maintain their educational edge.

When I investigated further, I discovered that Utah had the largest college-education gap between men and women of any state in the nation. Just what is a bachelor’s-degree-attainment gap? It is merely the percentage point difference between the share of men with at least a bachelor’s degree and the share of women with at least a bachelor’s degree. As you can see from the graphic, in more than one-third of states, women lead men in bachelor’s degree attainment. However, in Utah, men stand head and shoulders above women in earning at least a bachelor’s degree. Utah women are just not keeping up when it comes to higher education. And it shows in our wages.

All good labor economists know that there is a very, very strong statistical correlation between educational attainment and earnings. Statistically, workers with the most education earn the highest wages; those with the least education earn the lowest wages. (Incidentally, unemployment rates also track educational levels—the higher the education, the lower the unemployment rate.) With this relationship between education and earnings, it’s hardly surprising that the state with the largest male/female college-education gap also shows the third largest male/female wage gap.

With Utahns' strong belief in education, why are Utah women lagging behind? Of course, there is a cultural component. In general, women are family oriented and LDS women perhaps even more so. That’s certainly a “good thing.” This family focus brings many great and wonderful things to society.

However, when it diverts a woman’s attention from appropriate workforce preparation, it may also leave her financially unprotected when spouses leave, die, or become unemployed. Plus, most married women in Utah work right along with their spouses. Given the likelihood that most young women will work, shouldn’t we encourage prepare them for careers that are interesting, flexible and high-paying? It only makes sense.

1. I am their mother, not their slave. Serving my children also means teaching them how to serve.

2. I have the right to burn, tear up, incinerate, shred, or stomp on my to-do list.

3. I have the right to ignore or even leave my children occasionally to teach them that Mommy has a life.

4. I can talk to myself all I like. Since I get so few compliments, I am entitled to congratulate myself out loud if I want to.

5. I am aware that my children will watch what I do. I will affect how my sons will treat their wives and what kind of behavior my daughter will accept from others. Therefore, I have the right to be a whole and happy person.

6. With the possible exceptions of stinky diapers and bleeding children, I have the right not to do a particular household job right now if I don't want to.

7. I have the right to choose my own priorities. And if my priority is to write a book chapter, blog, or call a friend, the laundry can wait.

8. I have the right to have interests other than house, home, and family.

9. I have the right to a messy house. It is not a reflection on my character, which means I also have the right not to apologize for said messy house.

10. Childhood does not wait, but dishes do. I can play Monopoly with my children and the dishes will still be there when I'm done.

Some women obsess over their weight. They weigh themselves daily, count calories, and starve themselves because they hold themselves up to the magazine models and think their lives are meaningless if they don't look exactly like the airbrushed, photoshopped, rake-skinny ladies they see everyday. I don't mean to make fun of people who have this problem. It is a serious affliction. But I am lucky in that respect. Fortunately, I have never had a huge body image problem. I also have never had an eating disorder. I don't hate my reflection or waste time despairing about how many calories I've eaten that day. I have a different disease you may not have heard of.

It's called housorexia.

This is what I do: I look at the staged clean countertops, the perfectly coordinated couch cushions, and the unstained carpets in the glossy ads and think "Why doesn't my house look like that?" The children in the ads never have poopy diapers or holes in their clothes. The mommies are always smiling. And their kitchens are always immaculate! And instead of thinking something intelligent like "Those pictures were taken on a photo set where no children live," I think, "My house could look like that if I cleaned it up every night at midnight."

And how is that any better? We teach teenage girls that they don't measure up if their waists are more than twenty inches wide, and we teach grown women that they don't measure up if there are more than two crumbs on the floor. And the silly thing is that we fall for it.

Instead of thinking that I'm great for what I've done that day (kissed the kids, wrote a blog post, got the kids dressed and fed), I think I'm deficient for what I haven't done that day (didn't have dinner ready, didn't clean the toilets, didn't dust the picture frames). That's what makes it so pathological, just like the anorexics who are never skinny enough. The house will never be clean enough, no matter how clean it is. The distorted lens we see it through keeps telling us we can stop cleaning after we dust just one more shelf or scour just one more bathtub. But we never get to rest even then, do we?

My body is not starving, but my house is starving for some serious sanity. Next time I think something like "I'll never get all this housework done", I'll make sure to mentally add, "So what?"

That's a good question, by the way. So what? My house won't make the cover of this month's Better Homes and Gardens? My child's friends will go home and tell their mommies that I have a messy house? Or (gasp) someone might come over and see the squalor? I'm not going to be a slave to anyone else's (imagined) judgment of my housekeeping skills.

I've got other things to do. Like have a life.

_ Today's guest post comes from Lecia Langston, currently a Regional Economist for the Department of Workforce Services. Ms. Langston has been an economist with the Utah Department of Workforce Services and its predecessor, the Utah Department of Employment Security for more than 20 years. During her service as an economist for the State of Utah, Ms. Langston has served as a president of the Wasatch Front Economic Forum (the local chapter of the National Association of Business Economists). She staffed Governor Bangerter's Workforce 2000 Committee and is a past advisor of the Governor's Economic Coordinating Committee. Ms. Langston is the author of several studies and the winner of several awards from the Interstate Conference of Employment Security Agencies for excellence in labor market information publications.

Here’s a little fable about two working women in Utah.

Jane grew up knowing that she wanted to be a mother. She thought she would marry a rich man and stay home to take care of her adorable children. With that future ahead of her, she thought she had little need for an education or a career. She got married a few years out of high school to the man of her dreams and her family soon included a charming baby girl.

Time for a reality check. Most married women with children work, even in Utah.

To make ends meet, Jane found herself back in the workforce. With no post-high school training, she found a job at the local discount store as a cashier. After working very hard, she eventually earned the Utah average wage for that occupation—$9.00 an hour. She had few benefits and no retirement plan.

To make enough money, Jane had to spend 40 hours a week on the job—mostly when her husband wasn’t working so he could take care of the baby. Her low wages made child care quite unaffordable. She didn’t see much of her husband, but did contribute to the family’s finances. Jane grossed $360 a week—before taxes and other deductions.

Jane’s best friend from high school, Susan, also grew up knowing that she wanted a family. But she realized that she would probably be working outside the home like her mother and other adult women that she knew. She chose a high-paying career, finished college and went to work as a chemical engineer. She got great pay, received wonderful benefits, and could count on a retirement income—when that day finally came. Plus, she knew she was protected in the event that she needed to provide for herself and her family. After establishing her career, Susan got married and had a bouncing baby boy.

Susan’s employer valued her work skills and was willing to let Susan cut back her hours to spend more time with her baby. After starting a family, she worked only 20 hours a week earning the Utah average wage for chemical engineers—$45 an hour. So, while Jane was making $360 working a grueling 40 hours each week (on her feet all day), Susan worked only 20 hours a week and grossed $900 a week—two-and-a-half times more money than Jane for half the hours. Plus, Susan had enough spare cash to hire out her least favorite household duties.

You get my point. A woman’s career and educational preparation contributes dramatically to her ability to manage work and home—not to mention improve her family’s economic well-being. In fact, when it comes to wages, academic studies suggest that education is more important for women than men. And, remember, most women do work outside the home—yes, even in Utah.

Next Friday: Part 2 of this post about women's education and employment, with some surprising Utah statistics

A friend of mine posted a link to this article about multipotentialites. It might sound like a word from Mary Poppins, but a multipotentialite is a person who has many interests, talents, or ideas and wants to do them all. Generally this individual is considered intellectually gifted, and runs the risk of burnout, because he or she wants to do more than a person is normally capable of handling.

I don't know that this theoretical person has to be a genius in order to get stressed out from multi-tasking. It seems to me that all she has to be is a mother.

Once you've got kids, it's not just your own brain that you've got to keep happy. You've also got to nurture the talents and interests of a whole gaggle of little people (oh, yeah, and then there's feeding, clothing, soothing, cleaning, etc.). It's more than any one person can handle, and yet somehow, mothers manage to do it.

But sometimes, the cost of endless to-dos ends up hurting us more than helping us. In the words of Elton John, "There is more to do than can ever be done." (Sorry, can't help breaking out the Disney. I'm a mom).

So is the infinite nature of  life's possibilities a blessing or a curse? Or both? When you see your day stretched before you, does it make you jump with excitement to fulfill your potential or want to crawl back in bed?

1. Your boss would ask you to do twenty-two things simultaneously, then yell at you for not completing item fourteen fast enough.

2. Your co-workers would meet in the break room on a regular basis to beat each other up. You would have to test your interpersonal skills by intervening (trying not to get your own nose broken in the process). If they didn't listen to you, you'd have to make them go stand by the water cooler until they could be nice to each other.

3. Your boss would staple his fingers, stub his toe on his office door, burn his hands on the lamination machine, and blame you.

4. During your lunch break, you would be expected to feed yourself, your boss, the secretary, and two coworkers a nutritious meal.

5. Your boss would come into your office, throw your files on the floor, get her lunch crumbs in your keyboard, and smudge her dirty fingers all over your computer screen. On purpose.

We are pleased to announce our first guest post. Jennifer Armitstead has coached hundreds of people to help them take their career to the next level. She consults with companies on employee engagement to attract and retain the right employees. Through training on leadership, time management, social media, and career management, Jennifer creates better careers and stronger teams. She is Executive Producer and Host of Job Club Radio and a thought leader on Twitter (@CareerCoachJen). For more information: www.MovingForwardSolutions.com.

Ladies, when was the last time you asked for something you needed at work? How prepared were you for the conversation? What were you expecting as the outcome?

Sometimes, women have a really hard time asking for what they want and need. Why is this such a problem? Why do we have a hard time asking for what we need from our employers?

Over the years, I’ve talked with a lot of working women who have felt stuck with their careers and not sure how they got into that position. As we dug into the problems, situations, team dynamics and management, the results were maddeningly consistent: These women didn’t ask for what they needed from their employer.

Why didn’t they ask?

Upon further investigation of these women’s careers, there was another consistent story of the women not knowing what they want for their career and subsequently didn’t know what to ask their employer – let alone how to ask for what they needed.

It’s no wonder that most women don’t ask for what they need from their employer when the women don’t know what they need anyhow! How on earth is an employer supposed to help you, if you first don’t know what you’re aiming toward?

Let’s change this because special requests in the workplace can be win-win situation – especially IF you’re prepared for the conversation. Here are some tips for preparing for the conversation:

1)      Start with the end in mind. Stephen R. Covey wasn’t kidding when he made that his first of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. If everyone on the planet began anything with the end in mind, we’d all be better off! So, spend some time thinking about what an ideal work situation would be for you. Put it down in writing and be clear about the specifics. The clearer you are about the specifics, the more effectively you’ll communicate with your employer about what you need help with.

2)      Discuss the plan with your applicable family members. Make sure you’re perfectly clear about what the family situation requires. It would be terrible to ask your employer for special needs and then receive help that doesn’t meet your needs.

3)      Take a week to digest your plan. Often people will throw together a last minute plan and then rush into the meeting with the manager. But, if you’re going to ask for some specific requests, you’ll want to prepare ahead of time! Do wait a week, review your plan again. Make changes and then proceed.

4)      Make an appointment with your manager at a time you know is good for him or her. If the best time of day is first thing, then have the appointment then. Don’t ask for a 15 minute meeting; ask for at least 30 minutes so that you have enough of the manager’s time to bring clarity about your situation.

5)      Go into the meeting with two best case scenarios that will work for you. When you identify a problem with a work process, you should also present a viable solution. Every good boss in the world loves it when their employees bring solutions to the problems. So, be prepared with two really good solutions that will give your manager some flexibility in choosing, but also eliminates the need for the manager to come up with a solution. They’ll appreciate that you are on the ball! This will help you achieve a win-win outcome.

Jesus teaching in his famous parabolic style told his disciples in Matthew 21:22: “And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.” Applying to our modern day lives, I think he would say to us, “Ponder, plan, prepare, and then ask… Ultimately, you’ll be rewarded with what you want and need.”

How are you asking for what you need in the workplace?