Most of the moms I know want to do both.
Today's moms grew up in an age where it wasn't unusual for women to go to college. They worked before they had kids, and maybe they had a female boss, maybe they didn't, but if they did they didn't think anything of it. If they went to college, many of their professors were women. Maybe they also grew up hearing messages about how important it was for moms to stay home.
Some of them, like me (warning--confession follows) may have gotten angry about the contrary messages they heard growing up. You can do anything you want if you set goals and achieve them, as long as that something is taking care of your family. Ironically, though, that bitterness kept me from moving forward to change anything--enough anger can make a person catatonic.
But most of them, I would guess, are less angst-ridden than I am. They skipped the anger and went right to, "What works best for me and my family?" And for many of them, the answer was not to give up on work completely, nor was it to turn into a workaholic at the expense of their families.
Out of choice or out of necessity, most mothers I know are working women and family women. They've rejected the sixty-hour-a-week model so prevalent in the lives of career-ladder climbers, but whether it's out of necessity or pleasure, they've also rejected the slave-to-the-washing-machine model, too.
They're hybrids, taking the best of both worlds.
There may not be a category or a name for them in the mommy war world (though I think hybrid fits nicely, don't you?), but I would bet they're even more prevalent than the hardliners that make up the extreme ends of the my-choice-is-better-than-yours camps. Most moms I know are freelance writers, part-time nurses, business owners, at-home medical transcriptionists, part-time lawyers, volunteers, music teachers, part-time travel agents, swim instructors, part-time therapists, Etsy store owners, at-home accountants, and students. Plus many SAHMs fall into the "sequencer" category--they aren't paid for work outside the home while their kids are little, but they plan to return to work when their kids are older.
Not only do we not have a name for this category, we also don't have much of a model for it in the working world. In most job search engines I've visited, most jobs advertised are for the typical full-time model. Many employers don't offer any alternative to this schedule, and if you're looking for one, your chances of success are much higher if you've already worked somewhere for several years and have proven your value to your employer.
Of course, there's more than one way to find the balance you seek. I think women are highly adaptable, not to mention creative, at finding job arrangements that suit them, even when their work schedules are less than typical. They make requests to suit their work/life situation even when nobody at their office has ever dared do such a thing before. They freelance, knowing full well that their paychecks are not guaranteed. They start businesses with very little experience and a whole lot of determination.
It isn't easy, but they make it work somehow. I think hybrid mamas are a category that will continue to grow throughout the coming years. And I think they deserve all the recognition and support we can give them.